Nursing school is everything I thought it would be.
- Hard
- Time consuming
- Hard
- Interesting
- Fun
- Hard
So.... I am only a little over a month in and I can't believe how much I have learned in such a short amount of time. I look at my schedule at all I still have to learn in just the weeks leading up to spring break and my jaw drops while my heart pounds and sweat pours down my head! Ok, so maybe I don't get that anxiety stricken, but still it's overwhelming. Shoot! Devin isn't even here to distract me and I'm loosing my mind sometimes. I can only imagine when things pick up even more and he is here! I will be in my 3rd semester when he is back. Right now, I am scheduling study sessions with friends whenever because I am only worrying about myself. Once Devin is back, I will have to take into consideration if he wants to go see a movie or just cuddle on the couch. It will be nice though to have him back. He is and always will be my rock.
Back to nursing school! The teachers are extremely nice and helpful. I am so thankful for that. I had this awful imagine in my mind prior to school starting that they were going to quiz us all the time on micro and chem stuff. I thought I would be lost in the dark all the time, but they explain things so well I only feel lost sometimes :)
I was able to administer medication this week in my clinical rotation and take out a urinary catheter. How weird is it that I am overly excited to do that? I can't wait to give my first subcutaneous injection and even insert a urinary catheter. I am still a little nervous to take out an NG tube, but hey it's going to happen one of these days. I am beyond grateful that I am in nursing school and on my way to getting a bachelor's degree and becoming a register nurse. It's all so surreal. It feels like yesterday I was sitting in a dance studio freaking out about competition routines in high school. Crazy how priorities and time change.
So I just wrote my second paper for the semester and let me just say it was probably the most emotional one I will have to write. Of course it was about my mom. We had to write about an experience that will influence how we will be as a nurse. My mom is and always will be with me, but seeing as how she also had cancer everything just seems to come back to her. It took me awhile to finally find the "courage" to write the first sentence. I was putting it off more and more because I had other stuff to do for other classes, but also because I wasn't quite sure how detailed I could get without having to just stop and take minute.
No matter how long it will be without my mom. 3 years, 10 years, or even 20 years it will always be difficult. She was my best friend. I confiding in her about almost everything. She gave the best advice when wanted and not wanted :) and was always there to just listen. At times, I forget she isn't just a phone call away. I use to think people were weird for still grieving over losing someone after many years had gone by. Especially when they acted fine. I'm sorry to those for thinking that, even though you don't know I thought that. It's true that you don't know how to react to something until you have experience it yourself. I know now that it isn't easy and you are always grieving. It's just part of the process.
Anyways, so it took me some time to write the paper. I had my mother in law and one of my best friends help me revise it. At the end of the final revision, my mother in law wrote to me and said ( in a nutshell) that she knows my mom is proud of me and is watching over me everyday and how happy she is that my mom shared me with her. It's hard not knowing what to do when your go to person isn't there anymore. Luckily, my mom and God blessed me with my dad, stepmom, and mother in law, and Devin and Janna, and close friends to confide in when needed.
My mom was a tough cookie when it came to fighting for her life. I admire her for the strength she had every day. She honestly never asked why her. She took each day one step at a time and didn't sweat the small stuff. As I go on with my journey to becoming an RN, I know she will be with me every step of the way. I am going to see heart breaking situation over my time as a nurse, but I will be able to relate more with patients and their families, which is why I think God did what he did. I still don't fully understand. I think I figured out part of the plan and that was to help my aunt and I become closer and my dad and sister and I have an even stronger bond. Later in life, when I least expect it, I will know why God planned to take my mom so early in life. I'm in no rush to find out because good things come to those who wait.
Everyone just take away with you that we all have guardian angels watching over us helping to lead us in the right direction to achieve our dreams. Don't forget to thank those who helped get you where you are today. Also, remember to always pray to have eyes that see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst, mind that forgets the bad, and a soul that never loses faith in God.
