Blunt

        It's been awhile since I've had a "vulnerable" post. I don't think I need to be every time I write a new post, but when I am in that frame of mind sometimes I feel it helps to blog.. Call me crazy. :)


   So I have started this new book. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. I was reading The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks, but TFIOS kept catching my attention. Usually, I only get one book at a time because ( confession) I am a slow reader. I generally have a lot going on and in my free time I don't read I catch up on my DVR shows or hang out with Devin or friends.

    Back to TFIOS.

There is a movie coming out in June and based on the trailer it intrigued me even more. Obviously, the girl is sick and she meets a boy and they fall in love. Yada Yada Yada. I knew it was probably going to be a tear jerker, but I honestly didn't mind.

Since my mom has passed, I don't like watching the tear jerkers. Ask Devin. When we watch a movie that we didn't expect to have a sad ending, I cry ( at the moment in the movie when appropriate) and say out loud, "Geeze! Who picked this?!" Most of the time I did, but it's pretty even.

I am sitting on the futon like a typical bookworm with my nose in the book and disregarding everything going on around me. I get to this one chapter and I am stunned.

* Spoiler Alert*

Chapter 1 pg. 12/13 has me speechless.

Hazel meets Augustus for the first time while attending her support group. Augustus states that he is afraid of oblivion. Hazel being the kind of blunt and straight forward person she is says, "There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever. There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you , I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that's what everyone else does."

Damn.

Seriously, damn. I hate talking about death and what may happen after you die. I mean yea your body is soul less and you are no longer on Earth. You are with our savior Jesus Christ. This may sound materialistic ( which it is), but I think about the people, places, things I will no longer be able to have or do. I won't be able to go see movies or spoon on the couch with Devin or go eat at my favorite restaurant. So when we die how do we cope with those things? I believe we cope with knowing we are in Heaven and rejoicing uniting being with Jesus.

My mind wanders and I start to panic when I think about all the what ifs.

I begin to wonder what my mom is experiencing. She is with Jesus and her dad and any other loved ones lost ( I am very certain), but it freaks me out.

Reading what Hazel thinks about death is so blunt. I never though of it that way, but it's true. There will come a day when no one will remember the amazing things that historical people did and so on. Crazy, weird, straightforward.

The unknown has always and will always drive me insane. I just have to remember to live in the moment and not worry about all the WHAT IFs. So I always pray to have eyes that see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad, and a soul that never loses faith in God.

Ladie's Garage Night

Last night was ladie's garage night at the Harley Devin works at. It was so much fun! They had wine and appetizers and a fun interactive station activity. I got to "ride" a motorcycle! It was so much fun! I didn't realize how easy it was going to be to shift but it was. I've been telling Devin I want a dirt bike to play on and if I like it then I'll step up to the motorcycle.

He rolled his eyes and said, ' Yea you say that, but you change your mind.'

Honestly people, I am considering it more now. It really was fun. Granted I sat on the bike in this contraption that didn't allow me to go anywhere but it was fun! The lady was super nice! I'm just concerned on looking like an idiot by dropping the bike, but Devin assures me not to worry about that!

I tried to upload the picture, but I couldn't figure out how to get from Instagram on to here so I will play with it some more.

Anyways, ladies who have taken the course to get your motorcycle license how was it? Painful? Enjoyable? Embarrassing?

There was a station where they taught you how to lift your bike by using a good technique. Well I couldn't get the darn thing up! The guy would tell me, " Get lower, no okay come up just a little, ok now go!" I think I get it and then it just stays there. He's like, "Are you doing it?" I'm like, "No!" Then when I finally get it I slip ( dang cute tony lamas) and stand up and say to heck with it ( in my mind). The guy is trying to be nice and not laugh, but here I am sweating due to the humidity in there and due to getting a leg workout in. I finally got it ( with some help) , but I was super embarrassed.

Could the class be even more embarrassing? Probably.

I told Devin ask me next week if I want to take the class again and if my answer is still yes let's do it!

Summer in Florida Take 2!

      It's official I am back in Florida with the hubbs! Fortunately and unfortunately, this will be the last summer in florida ( at least long term stays).  We have friends who will be living in Cocoa starting late august so we may come back to visit them later in life, but the next time we come to Orlando hopefully it will be with little Monaco's going to Disney world. :)

      Anyways, on another high note I am not working this summer. I think this is the first summer in a few years or so. It feels really weird, but I have more time to workout, read, and watch movies that I have missed out on seeing since school consumed every bit of time I had. I am very fortunate that Devin is okay with this situation because Lord knows after each semester of nursing school we all need some down time to clear our minds and prepare for the next semester.

       My first week in Florida I have been cooking and cleaning and relaxing. I decided to try my hand out on some recipes I found on Pinterest. Luckily, I have succeeded. I made a greek chicken recipe that was very easy and very delicious. Last night, I tried a coconut shrimp recipe which was also very tasty, I have made coconut shrimp before but I didn't have that recipe with me so I found a new one.

       I've also lost 12 pounds since the middle of March. This semester I tried to go to the gym consistently, but it was always hard to find the motivation to continue. It's always easier to stop doing something and get back to old habits so I wanted to avoid that. Before spring break, I really tried to kick it into high gear with watching what I ate more and going to the gym at least 3 times a week. School started picking up and 3 times a week turned into 0 times and fast food started being consumed due to the convenience factor.

       When I came back from spring break, I put my foot down. I was going to be 130 by August.  I started drinking more water and no longer ate fast food. If I was in a bind and I ended up eating out I decided to make better choices and not choose the fried chicken or the hamburger. I would get the grilled chicken and fruit instead of fries. I remember I ate at IHOP with my mother in law for breakfast I chose whole wheat pancakes with turkey bacon and fruit. I started going to the gym and making more of an effort to stick with 3 times a week. My friend Jeanette ( we met at school) and I would go to the gym after class some days during the week. After the third week of doing this routine, I could tell I felt better. I was getting on the scale and seeing a number I was liking more.

      Finals week was hell. I wasn't eating very well. I would miss a meal each day and my water consumption was decreased while my caffeine consumption sky rocketed.  I had to pack right after finals for Florida since I was leaving two days later. I guess all of the stress "helped" me lose 3 more pounds.

     This week has been the toughest yet. I forgot my gym tag in Texas so I am waiting on my mother in law to send it. I have a travel pass for the gym, but I am leary to use it since I do not have my gym tag with me. Also, I have to work around Devin's work schedule since I flew here. I have been doing workouts at home thanks to the Brazilian Butt Lift DVDs.  I have also been eating decently. I may not be swaying completely to one way such cutting out sugar altogether or meat, but I am doing this my own way in a way that works for me. I have lost another pound and been able to maintain it. I still have those favorite foods every so often, but the main thing to remember is that you can still have the things you love that aren't entirely good for as long as you have them in moderation.

So this summer I am making a commitment to myself to continue on this journey to losing weight so I can continue to feel good :)

My Jesus is Calling calendar had this message for me yesterday:

" Do not long for the absence of  problems in your life. That is an unrealistic goal, since in this world you will have trouble. You have an eternity of problem free living reserved for you in heaven. Rejoice in that inheritance, which no one can take away from you, but do not seek your heaven on earth. Begin each day anticipating problems, asking Me to equip you for whatever difficulties you will encounter. The best equipping is My living presence, my hand that never lets go of yours. Discuss everything with Me. Take a lighthearted view of trouble seeing it as challenge that you and I together can handle. Remember that I am on your side, and I have overcome the world."


Friends and family take time for yourself. God is there to help you overcome the problems you may face. Just remember to always pray for eyes that see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad, and a soul that never loses faith in God.